I Should Have Known
by sg11985
Summary: Sam gives it good and proper to Jack after Adora - warning, not really a happy ending!


Title: I Should Have Known  
Author: Jemma  
Story Status: Hmmm...this one's complete, but don't be surprised if there's a sequel.  
Season: Three  
Spoilers: A Hundred Days  
Categories: Angst, UST  
Pairings: Sam and Jack  
Rating: T  
Content Warnings: Swearing an' Stuff  
Summary: Sam gives it good and proper to Jack after Adora.  
Archive Permissions: Please ask.  
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters relating to Stargate. They belong to MGM and any of their associates. I'm just playing around with them for a little while!  
Authors Note: OK, I really didn't expect this to turn out quite this way! I've had the worst week this week, where just about everything has gone wrong. Therefore, this is the result! Now, being a shipper by nature and a sucker for happy endings, I will probably be compelled to write a sequel! Anyways, enjoy...

SGSGSGSGSGSG

They're all looking at me differently. Especially Carter.  
Like I did something unforgivable to them.  
I didn't.

It's not that I'm not glad to be going home, I just wasn't expecting it is all. Things got to a point where I just had to accept I was stuck here and there was nothing I could do about it.

But I should have known that there was someone that would do something about it. Carter. I should have known she'd get me back home. I should have known she'd work tirelessly until she found the solution. I should have known she'd come for me.

Now I think she's wishing she hadn't bothered. The looks she gives me as we walk back to the gate make me feel like a complete piece of shit.

The first time our eyes met I saw hurt and sadness there. I didn't mean to do that to her, I really didn't. But the next look she gives I can only describe as hurt again, but this time with anger, and a lot of it. I try and sum up in a glance how sorry I am but she's having none of it. She turns face front and strides on ahead to the gate without looking back.  
Bollox. What have I done?

SGSGSGSGSGSG

Fucking bastard.  
How dare he give me lovey dovey looks after what he's just done to me?   
As soon as we got back to earth I went straight to the locker room and had a shower, trying to wash away three months worth of pain and work and most of all...heartache.  
An hour later I was pretty sure he'd the out of the infirmary, so I changed quickly and made my way there to talk to the only person I could, about this anyway.

SGSGSGSGSGSG

As I enter the infirmary I'm greeting with a familiar voice.  
'Hey Sam!'  
'Hey Janet.'  
'Ready for you exam?'  
'Sure.'

I hop onto the bed and she starts shining that bloody pen light in my eyes. I know from the look her face has she can see the tears in my eyes.  
'Sam, you OK honey?'  
I can't even form words now, or even deny the fact that I feel like I've been crushed into a million pieces. She knows this, so just pulls me into a gentle hug.  
'Oh Sam, don't do this to yourself. Please.'  
'I hate him Janet,' I say in a muffled voice on her shoulder. 'I fucking hate him.'  
'Don't say that Sam, your just hurting.'  
'Yes, I am. And who's fault is that?'

I pull myself away from her.  
'Why did he do it Janet? Why didn't he put his faith in me like he's done for the past three years? Why did he give up and go to her?'  
'I don't know.'  
'Funny, neither do I.'  
And that was the end of the conversation.

SGSGSGSGSGSG

Janet finished my exam and let me go on the condition I would go home for a nights sleep. I agreed readily, not really wanting to run into the Colonel tonight. Going back to the locker room, is doesn't even occur to me that there'd be anyone in there let alone him.

Practically jogging into the room in my desperation to leave the base as quickly as possible, I don't see him sitting against the wall in the dark until I turn around to sit down and take off my boots.

When I see him there I can't help but stare at him in what I can only call and accusing way. Asking him why he did what he did. Why didn't he believe in me and how can he expect me to forgive him?  
'Hey Carter.'  
'Colonel,' I almost spit out. 'I was just about to get changed to go home...Sir.'  
'So you are,' he replies simply. I just want to scream at him. I look at him expectantly, hoping he'll take the hint to piss off.  
'You want me to leave?'  
OK, way to take a hint.  
'That would be appropriate Sir, considering I'm about to get changed.'  
'OK, I'll leave. But I have something I want to say to you first.'  
Oh God. What the hell is he playing at?

'Listen sir, I don't think this is really the time for this...'  
'Well, to be honest Carter, I don't care. This is something you have to hear.'  
He gets up from his sitting position and walks over to me. I back away slightly, in fear of if I get to close I'll punch the living daylights out of him.  
'Sit down Carter,' he says slowly as he stops his approach and sits on the bench.  
'Sir, please...'  
'Sam, please.'  
Oh bollox.

Seeing no quick way out of this past thumping him one and getting the hell out of there, I sit down on the opposite end of the bench.  
'I know what you're feeling Sam,' he begins. I remain impassive, keeping my calm exterior by staring at the floor.  
'I know you're hurting and I know you probably hate me for what I've done.'  
'You don't know anything about how I'm feeling Sir,' I reply quietly. 'If you did, you wouldn't have to cheek to sit here in front of me now trying to tell me you know how I feel.' I look up slowly to meet his eyes. He goes to speak again but I've had enough.  
'Don't say anything Sir. Nothing you say right now is going to help the situation. Nothing you say right now is going to change the fact you gave up on us, on me, on hope.'  
'Sam...'  
'Please Sir, just don't. Please.'

I plead silently with him to stop and just let me go before my hurt gives way to anger once more. I make to stand and go home in my BDU's if I have to, but he grabs my arm as I walk past him.  
'Sam, don't go like this. Let me try to explain.'  
OK. I think that anger has just hit.  
'Explain?' I ask, almost in a tone of disbelief. 'Explain what? What do you think you could say that is going to make me forgive you right now? You have no idea what I've been going through for the past three months trying to drag your sorry ass back home, when I really shouldn't have bothered.'

Crap, that's done it. Insubordination charges here I come. He slowly lets go of my arm, and despite my anger I feel a slight loss.  
'All I can say is I'm sorry Sam, and I should have known you'd come for me, no matter what.'  
I still can't find it in my heart to forgive him yet, even a little bit. I want him to feel the pain and hurt I've felt for all these weeks.  
'Yes, you should of. But you didn't even give me a chance.'  
I start to walk away from him to shut my locker and get the hell out of there.  
'I'm so sorry...'  
'It doesn't matter how sorry you are,' I interrupt, spinning round to meet his gaze. Seeing the hurt there, I soften a little. I want to hate him but I can't. Dipping my head slightly I continue softly and more calmly.  
'It's just going to take time Jack.'

Having said all I have to say, I raise my head once more to see his accepting eyes. He nods slowly and looks away. A part of me feels guilty, but through that I remember what he's done. I look at him for a second and then turn away, walking over to my locker and closing it, then walking quietly over to the door to leave.  
I almost look back but manage to stop myself. Opening the door quickly I step into the safety of the hall and close it behind me softy.

I pass a few SF's on my way to the elevator. It's usually pretty quiet this time of night. Arriving at the elevator I reach for my card. Oh shit. Oh no. Oh crap. I can't find it. I must have left it in the locker room. Well, there's no way I'm going back in there tonight. Then I hear footsteps behind me. Oh god I hope it's not him.  
'Hey Sam.'  
I feel a hand touch my shoulder. Relieved, I turn around.  
'Hey Daniel.'  
'You OK?'  
I look up at him then quickly back to the floor, shaking my head slowly. He understands, I know he does.  
'You wanna go for pizza?'  
I smile at the floor and then up at him.  
'That'd be great,' I say relieved.

He pulls out his card and opens the elevator doors. We step inside and head for the surface. That little niggle of guilt is still with me, but I push it down. I know that one-day things will be OK, maybe even one day soon. Maybe even Monday morning, for the sake of the team. But for now I'm leaving that all behind, and having pizza.

SGSGSGSGSGSG

That's it!! I've done it!! Finito!! Hope you've enjoyed it, and as always...FEEDBACK me:)

14/08/2002


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